Hello all !
And thanks a lot for having created this wonderful, helpful and so necessary website, and for having been so welcoming to me as some of you already did.
I've already shared some parts of my life here and there on some other topics but maybe it would be interesting to have a condensed here.
Well... As for some of you, I can say that my first discovery of the transgender world appeared when I was a teenager. At that moment, of course I was totally unaware of the reality of a transgender world. And, I have to admit that I stayed a binary people a very very long time. For me there were only girls and boys. Some having a penis and some not. But in my mind, there was something else, pretty much obvious in my opinion, which guided me to feel "this one is a boy" and "that other one is a girl". But my very first step was at the moment to fall over a porn movie where a ladyboy (sorry, maybe this is not the most appropriate word) appeared. This broke all the rules my parents and the community taught me. "Boys have a penis ? And girls, a vagina ? So why that girl has a penis ?" It was pretty more obvious for me that a girl could have a penis than someone looking exactly like a girl wasn't a girl just because of having a penis. That was nonsense to me. And I started to consider that boys and girls should not be defined for their birth gender but for what they exhaled naturally, whatever their genitals were. So, I stayed really binary for that only reason. Maybe it will be appreciated for all the non conforming people who fight now to be accepted as a man or a woman ? But I must say that this childish way of considerating things is probably the softest and sweetest that I have ever experienced. What do you think about it, bros ?
I started really soon to have a deep interest in ladies. Something like 6 years old, and I already wanted to have a deep and sincere relationship at that moment. That's no use to say that I was especially and only frightening everyone at that age with such desires in me. But, at the same time, I felt an unexplainable feeling of attraction to some androgynous boys. An attraction which grow slowly and secretly into me, that needed 27 years to finally pop into my mind. That was, for the first seconds of that discovery, very strange to me. I wasn't feeling able to explain how I could sometimes feel attracted to boys but the rest of the time not feeling anything for the rest of men. And I met a first androgynous boy online, totally in love front of his stare, and, in some ways, it appeared clearly in my mind... At that moment, I realized that there were multiple "kinds" of guys and girls. But feminity was always somewhere when I felt attracted to someone. Cis girls, androgynous boys, T-girl, whatever was their gender, their general appearance and attitude was always the only things which let me know what kinda relationship we could have together, in the best cases. Friends. Lovers. Or just Indifferent.
From that point, I allowed myself to look for other kinda people than the only two binary ones I already knew. And... What a pleasure to discover other people ! When pretty more binary people are still narrow-minded (or closed-minded) and living their life in a way I can't always understand, pretty more non-conforming people already have, in common with me, deep and great values of awareness, empathy, open-mindedness and clear-sightedness about humanity. That was like if I had grown up next to them all these years without being aware of it. And I have now, pretty more values and common interests with them than I have with most of the binary people. Of course, this is just a feeling I have. So, let's rather talk about a general feeling. But this is what I can think about it in a simple way. And, from all the transgender people I met till this moment, that appears to be clear that I don't feel indifferent to them at all ! In fact, that's just the perfect match for me who have a complex sexuality/sensuality.
When talking to a transgender guy I feel always attracted to, I realized that "a girl with a penis" is just the kind of people who could allow me to be that protective and viril guy I feel to be most of the time at the same time I could be that kinkier feminine guy I used to feel to be inside, without being able to explain it to myself. That's a part of my sexuality I just discovered some weeks ago, and I realized at the same time why I was so... zero-sexual before, despite the numerous desires which seemed to grow in me. To be unaware of that sexuality I have just broke my only relationship I had with an ex cis-girl, after 5 years of hard and platonic relationship with her...
But now... I feel aware of myself... And ready to feel complete.
Here's my story guys