Dating advice for a trans woman?

I’m just wondering what trans-attracted men’s opinions are here. I understand that no two guys are going to have the same take, but I guess I’d like to hear what the consensus is.

My basic “dilemma” is that, while no one can really “tell” that I’m trans at this point, I’m not comfortable with hiding that part of myself from a potential boyfriend. There are reasons other than bigotry that someone might not want to date a trans person, and there’s no way to hide my “past” anyway.

Ironically enough, it feels like being “passable” and open about my status decreases the number of men who might be interested in me in that way.

For example, a frequent question from men I meet online is “Are you top or versatile?” I guess I was a bit ignorant here, but I always assumed “I date men” meant “I could not be ‘top’ or ‘versatile.’” Which just goes to show you that even trans people don’t know every aspect of every trans issue. Besides, I’m just about to be post-op, which makes the question moot anyway.

My plan is to continue dating men I meet on trans-specific sites. I might put up a profile on a site that’s not trans-specific, but I’ll still be honest about my past and so on. I figure that between trans-attracted men who are fine with a trans woman whose sexuality is basically hetero-female and men who haven’t dated trans women before but are open to the possibility, I should be able to meet someone.

What do you think? Am I overthinking this? Or does my plan sound like the way to go?

Thanks, and I hope everyone is doing well!

I think your plan is a good one and I think honesty is the best policy. Disclosing that you are transgender in your profile should eliminate men who would have a problem with that which is probably best.

However that doesn’t mean you should disclose everything about yourself right away. Obviously I would disclose anything which might be a deal breaker for the other person - like having children. Soon you will be able to say that you are post-op which will eliminate any questions about top, versatile etc.

I chuckled when you wrote that saying you dated men meant you could not be top or versatile. I know what you meant - I just thought it was funny (especially in view of my own experiences).

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Hi!

I guess, as a guy, I would just want you to be honest, delta any discomfort or danger it might put you in.

But I think maybe sticking to trans-specific sites until you’ve racked up a few more lasting relationships (not that I hope you will, but it seems unavoidable) might be a good idea, but I suppose it really depends on the strength of your self-image and your confidence. There are lots of terribly nasty people out there, and you will almost certainly be disappointed, and maybe even badly hurt, if you go on a date or two with a guy you like and he turns out to not be as open-minded as you thought.

As much as we might like to hold fidelity with “there are no reasons other than bigotry,” reality is often a much more chewy animal, and I hear (no insult, I hope it’s not taken as such) a bit of Twitter-bubblehood in that statement that might get you in trouble if you stray too far out of a relatively safe place. But if I’m wrong about that, great, go on witcha self. I may just be desperately jaded!