Her secret and mine

I was thinking about the post that said if a transgender woman said she was interested in dating men, then of course she would not be a top or versatile. Which I understand since being a bottom is the traditional role we assign to women.

Of course my experience with my girlfriend is the complete opposite. As feminine as she is (and she is very feminine), she loves her penis and has only been a top her entire life. She has zero interest in being a bottom even as a one time experiment.

That being said, she keeps this fact about herself a secret from everyone. She is proud of being a transgender woman but no one must know that she is a top. Not even her closest gay and transgender confidants know this about her. She says everyone assumes that she is a bottom and she says nothing to the contrary. She is content to have it this way.

Of course it is her right to have her sexual role remain a secret and I respect her wishes but there’s something sad about it to me. Likewise I don’t tell anyone that I am a bottom since no one would understand how a straight man can be a bottom by choice.

I guess I could say that I wish our society and culture were different and more accepting but I seriously doubt that will ever happen. Even if it becomes acceptable for a man to have a relationship with a transgender woman, it’s probably too big a leap to expect that a switch in sexual roles would ever be acceptable. I think my girlfriend is wise in keeping this aspect of her life a secret.

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The less people know about our secrets, the easier it is, up to a point, for us and them. For the most part, I believe they truly want to remain blissfully ignorant and we do them a favor by allowing them to remain in the dark. If I told all the people that I care about that I’m trans attracted there is a good number that couldn’t handle the truth. All this being said, I think those who embrace who they are and can own it without too much concern about what other people think are the happiest of all.

I agree with you. Living with secrets is easier but the people who live openly are happier. In the Philippines, the macho culture makes it difficult for a transgender woman to be anything other than a bottom. However that seems to be the natural inclination of most of them anyway.