I am attracted to trans women - Article

Hi everyone. I wrote this article a few years ago and wanted to share it. Our community has a lot of discussing to do as we learn how to become better partners to trans people. There are a few things that I would word differently now and I must admit, I am upset with the picture that Salon chose to represent the article. It is a very objectifying picture that draws the attention towards trans women’s genitalia, which is the exact opposite of the message I was trying to send. I wanted to mention that because I think it is important for us to not objectify or fixate on body parts, but regardless I still think the article has value in this forum. Let’s start a conversation about the topics brought up in the article.

3 Likes

Editors can’t resist from using this type of pictures when publishing something about trans women, really…

Picture appart, this article is fantastic and we need more like this. To inspire and give courage to other trans attracted men. I should write one too soon myself.

The part about not considering attraction to trans women as a fetish is something I had to deal with for a long time. Fetish is such a negative word. For a long time it made me feel bad and ashamed. When I finally opened up, my best friend turned away from me because that’s exactly how he pictured me: a fetishist, a deviant, a freak. The fetishisation of trans women is probably a major reason why so many trans attracted men are not open.

We need to keep spreading the fact that we are not fetishists, that we are not ashamed, and that we’re even proud and happy with our attraction. I’m sure we will soon live in a world where trans attraction is regarded as normal. I expect a lot of progress in that regard for the coming 10 years or so.

1 Like

It’s a great article and more like it are needed indeed. I never even noticed the image until that comment brought my attention to it. I was just interested in the story as I’d never read anything like it before. It took looking for public disclosure on youtube to find the news story and subsequently the article online and contact info for Thomas. I cannot emphasize how badly we need stories like this on youtube as videos for everyone who will not participate in a discussion here to view and benefit from. We have to share our stories publicly only then will we create the world of acceptance that we all want to live in.

1 Like

This article sounds like a summary of my book. I am glad there are more TGentlemen out there who are out loud and proud.

Hi everybody, i am happy to meet this group. As you all i am not a fetishist, i am a normal guy who feels attracted to transwoman. I just want to find a trans gf to be happy with her and get old together, I also think in a few years gender will not be an important issue anymore, but at this monent it’s still fighting for acceptance to family, friends etc.

But till that time it’s a struggle for me also because the transwomen i met don’t believe there are guys like us. So the acceptance has to come from both sides i think.

I would like to know if you have the same experiences.

4 Likes

Hi everyone I personally think trans attracted or whatever you want to call it is a understandable and logical rationalization of saying i’m ‘Gay’ so to speak which I think is the hardest thing to come to terms with on a personal level aside from the religious folk or just bigoted bullying people in general sticking there nose in and trying to run other peoples lives :rage: . I told my best friend only a few weeks ago and I might add the only person who I have told and after him saying quite bluntly are you ‘Gay’ to which I responded yeah I suppose iam :blush:, now that’s my best friend and he was great about it of course it could of turned out differently but I think how ever you rationalize it the first step to your personal acceptance is to say yeah im ‘Gay’ then go from there :blush: just so happens we live in such a hypocritical and ugly world :rage: :rage:

1 Like

I’m sorry, but it is not acceptable to call yourself gay for being attracted to trans women. I believe that everyone should be in charge of their own labels. No one can tell you what to call yourself. However, in this case, calling yourself gay for attraction to trans women is hurting trans women. If you are a gay man, that means you are attracted to men. Trans women are not, and never have been men. By calling yourself gay, you are misgendering trans women.
Also, I have heard this argument before that we are just in denial about our homosexuality, and frankly, I can’t even begin to understand it. In our current society, it is a lot easier to be gay than it is to be trans attracted. So if we face even more stigma for attraction to trans women than we would for being attracted to men, how could we possibly be using this identity to protect ourselves from bigotry? Also, most trans attracted men are also attracted to cisgender women. So, please, do not call yourself gay for attraction to trans women. That really hurts trans women.

4 Likes

Well for a kick off its my opinion so I can say what I want(within reason of course!!)and if you don’t agree that’s fine, I think your missing my point I think there is quite a fundamental element with a/my attraction to trans-women I still appreciate the female form but its a bit more than that isnit :smile: so my point is to be really comfortable with yourself/myself I think there’s comes a point where you have to ‘come out’ so to speak. Now if the people around you are good understanding people you can explain the quirks which I was I did to my best friend whom is the only person who knows this and he got it and understood :blush:. Now i’m not being horrible to anyone this my opinion nothing more nothing less.

1 Like

Thomas lets not be in denial of the male biology of trans women. Yes one can look as much like a woman as humanly possible thanks to advances in science and technology, but facts are facts. It’s a male skeleton and male body parts until altered through surgery. Regardless of the F on the medicare card the doctor has to know what the reality is of what he or she is working with. Intelligent trans women friends of mine have told me this. Some trans women live in denial and build a story to convince themselves and others of how they wish to be perceived. Some don’t. Some are open minded enough to be desired, admired and loved by a gay man, a trans man, a bi man or whatever. A human being with an open heart and mind. It’s very very crucial to give people the freedom to identify as they wish. It only hurts idiots. Identity is just a conversation. It’s just words. Bottom line - we’re just all flesh and blood and male/female skeletons and most likely spirit/energy when the physical ceases to exist. If you want the freedom for trans and yourself to be accepted, then grant that to others as well with generosity. Thank you.

You are right Sparky, the term gay evolved out of the term homosexual which implies same sex relations. As long as you are seeking and engaging in same sex relations even if your trans partner identifies as a woman, you can technically call yourself or be called gay or bi or whatever. If you were to marry a pre op or non op, you can only marry in a country that allows same sex marriage. There are many trans to like to have sex with “hetero” men to try and affirm their desirability as women, but who are we kidding? Since when is “hetero” so not “hetero”? It’s very hard to convince others to think of one a certain way. People find it easy to think of TA men as Gay or bi. They find it easy to think of pre or non op trans and gender fluid people as gay or “men”. Babies are not born gay or straight or bi or whatever. Babies are not born men or women. Babies are born female/male or intersex. All fetus are female. Gender identity is a creation, a choice and a conversation. We must all create and live our lives as we choose. With freedom and respect for ourselves and others.

Hi Ed, my experience is two sided.

For the trans women I’ve known in Western countries (France, Germany, UK, US), yes they often believe we are nothing more than fetishists and prefer to keep away from us. I can’t blame them, for 10 guys they meet, probably 9 are chasers. So gaining their trust is hard…

For trans women I’ve known in Asia, they rather embrace the fact to be loved for the fact that they are trans. Gaining their trust is easier (but don’t dare you break this trust).

1 Like

Cheers Joe :smile:I appreciate that, personally I think its a trap ‘what people believe is half of the problem’ with all due respect Cyril I see what your saying man :blush:,speaking as a boy/man who has always fancied women and to some extent still do :blush: labels e.t.c don’t concern me I don’t think of my ‘attraction’ as a label its just an attraction so lets call a spade a spade a very beautiful ‘girl’ with a penis our prefrence :blush: . Now going back to what I said before we as blokes who like that we need to be bloody honest with ourselves then we can hopefully stop worrying about other people :smiley:and to Thomas I know its hard believe me but like Joe says lets face facts we cant run away from it so be a bloody man about it and say yeah that’s me and I can stand there and fight back and not pretend something I’m not :smile:

What facts are those Sparky?

1 Like

The facts of the male body Captain,so you clearly missed my point or don’t understand so ill put it this way.They can wear all the make-up,wear the clothes there still a boy/man.And before you say it im not having a go at any community:-).

Well I’m not really sure it’s for you to determine who you’re offending by calling all trans women men, but, sure, go ahead, it’s your opinion. I don’t think many people here will agree with it though. You may be in the wrong place.

1 Like

Let’s just hang on a sec captain did you go to school or what?if me pointing out what a male body is then yes im somehow offending people:-S WTF!!!.And yes it is my opinion:-)hey if you want to pretend that your attraction to transwomen is not partly due for the reasons ive stated then that’s up to you:-S.

And furthermore you say not many people would agree,well read Joes point of view and you might be surprised:-obut in any case im not here for you or anyone to like me .Im giving my own personal side of the story nothing more and nothing else I speak for myself captain not anybody else:-)

Well, lets clarify male sex/body is one thing and boy/man is another. Sex (man/boy) between the legs and gender (woman/girl) between the ears. Thus many trans women work to transform their body into a female one to match their gender identity. If you are attracted to part time ladies who may identity as women and own their male/boy selves too… then ask how they like to be perceived. Transgender is a very large umbrella of identities. Look it up on wikipedia.

1 Like

Sparky, I think there are some very important things that you need to consider.

Gender and sex are two different (although related) things. Sex is biological. Male/ female are sexes. Gender is an identity. It exists in the mind and is expressed in many ways. Man/ woman are genders. Trans women were assigned male at birth (an important phrase) but they are still women. Being biologically male has no effect on their gender and, therefore, a trans woman is no less of a woman than a cisgender woman, even if she is not female.

Now, going back to our original disagreement we you claimed that we are gay. I still think that your position is objectively wrong and potentially very hurtful to trans women. Let’s consider what people are attracted to when we speak of sexual orientation. I would argue that gender plays a MUCH larger role in sexual orientation than sex does. People are attracted to the group of people they are attracted to because of their entire gender expression, not just their genitalia. Women are not walking vaginas. There are many things that make them women. We are straight for being attracted to women, even if we might be attracted to women who are biologically male. What labels you use to refer to your sexual orientation should reflect the gender you are attracted to, not the sex. Otherwise, you are placing the entire emphasis of your sexual orientation on a persons genitalia, which to be honest, is pretty objectifying.

A very important part of the trans movement is trying to get society to focus on gender more than sex. A person’s sex is really their own business. If a woman is a woman in every single way, but she just happens to have a penis, even if you like that penis you are still not gay, because you are attracted to a woman.

Now, I personally define both as heterosexual and queer. I also use the term “trans-attracted” to refer to my sexuality sometimes. I am saying this because I agree that it would be delusional to pretend that there is nothing that separates us from men who date cisgender women. Of course we are different. But we share in that we are both attracted to women so we are all still straight (even if a portion of us are attracted to trans women) . We are more similar to men who date cis women than we are to men who date cis men.

Finally, I want to reiterate a point I made earlier. Your labels are entirely up to you, UNTIL your labels hurt other people. I bet you that 99% of trans women would be very hurt by you calling yourself gay for being with them. In doing so you are saying that they are not women. You are placing more emphasis on their sex than on their gender, even when they are asking you to focus on their gender. So you said that this is your opinion, but opinions can be wrong. Opinions can be hurtful, damaging, and selfish. Yes, we face stigma for dating trans women, but it is nothing in comparison to what trans women face. The least we can do is respect their identities and not misgender them. I am not in denial about trans women’s maleness. I simply respect the fact that they are still women. I think you should do the same.

If you are attracted to men or crossdressers (people who dress up as women occasionally but still identify as men) then you can call yourself gay. But you are really hurting people if you call your attraction to trans women homosexuality.

1 Like

You need to consider that those were my opinions yet im being accused of all sorts,so spare me the lecture. Its last time ill make any comment on any subject if this is sort of nonsense you get by giving your opinion.