Married and Now Trans Attracted

Hello, I am a 50 year old, white, married, professional big city firefighter. I have 3 young children, am in very good shape and have been cheating on my wife with Tgirl escorts. I can’t explain my sudden attraction to Trans girls since my entire adult life (past 8 months excluded) I have only been attracted to non Trans girls. The past month I have started to date a couple of these escorts. I have no desire to sleep around with a bunch of girls, but to develope a meaning relationship with one girl.
I love my wife and don’t want to ever hurt her. I am not attracted to her sexually anymore. We still have a great, loving relationship; minus the sex. I am an incredible loving father who spends an enormous amount of time with my kids. I guess I’m confused as to what I should do. Continue being a selfish jerk, following my heart and eventually devastating my wife and kids or deny my insane attraction to Tgirls.
As a firefighter, it is my job and my nature to always be in control. Quite often, this is my role at chaotic, out of control emergency scenes. In my personal life however, I am losing control.

1 Like

Hi there, thanks for sharing. Sexual attraction is a strange thing and can change over the course of ones life. It defies the “born this way” concept. The same is true for gender. My recommendation to you, take it or leave it is the following…

  1. Sort out your sexless marriage situation with you wife in a conversation or through a counselor if you feel this is appropriate for you. Many people have found themselves in your predicament since humans existed. The key is to resolve it in an adult manner free of morality and judgement and free of story and drama. What works for you and what would work for her? I’m sure she has needs too. We often get so caught up in our own point of view we forget about the other people involved.
  2. Your attraction to Trans need not be viewed as a problem and like many men try not to fall into the trap of justifying not committing to a relationship with a trans person just because you are married and with kids. It’s fine if you have transactions (pardon the pun) with escorts, however to develop something meaningful you will have to commit one way or another sooner or later. It takes both feet to step into something new. Not one foot here and another there. In good time I’m sure your resolve your issue. Remember it’s two separate issues best not collapse them into one.
  3. Some guys choose to have casual relations and not upset their primary relationship as long as this works for everyone involved. It’s really your choice.

Hope that helps!


Hi there, your situation sucks and I’m sorry to read it. If you develop a relationship with a trans woman, while staying married, this will eventually break two hearts. There is a nice short movie about this here House For Sale (2012, short film) (though the story is a bit different, the guy in the movie is a jerk).

This is so wrong if you develop a relationship with a trans woman while staying married. First for your wife. And most importantly for the trans woman. She deserves so much better than being in the situation of the extramarital lover. You wouldn’t like to hurt a woman like this. Suicide rate for transgender people is already high, there is no reason to contribute to increasing it.

But maybe this is just a “phase” for you, after all. So far if you only have sex with escorts, that is fine. Maybe after a few months, your attraction will lessen, and you will forget about it, and your family is saved. I think you need more time to really be sure that this is the attraction you want to pursue, because once you’re divorced, there is no turning back.

1 Like

Wow, I was just going to thank you guys for your thoughtful replies, when my “girlfriend” just texted me that she loves me. Things getting even more complicated. I have told her that I could fall for, her but didn’t expect this from her so soon. She has had it very rough in her life, she is a minor celebrity and she received great news yesterday. Maybe her feeling so good about herself is the reason she told me this. Well, I best respond to her.

If she really loves you, she won’t charge you. Tell her to stop charging you. If she does, you may need to seriously contemplate your situation and think about leaving your family, hard as that may seem. But ultimately, what you’re doing now will only do more harm over time. Don’t stay together for the kids. They’re not dumb. And don’t disrespect your wife either. Tell her about your recent change in attraction. Don’t tell her you’ve acted on it, yet. If she is understanding, my advice would be to see if there’s anyway you can work things out. If not, just leave - whether your girlfriend is for real or not. You sound like you’re settling. That’s no good for anyone.

1 Like

I understand how you feel M. I was there myself at one point. My marriage was already falling apart when I finally understood that I was trans-oriented. My divorce at the point was inevitable.
Thank you for admitting that you are acting like a jerk. It saves me the trouble of pointing it out. I’m not saying that you are a jerk I’m saying that you’re acting like one. The fact that yo see this and are looking to remedy the situation proves that you are not one.
I’m glad Cyril pointed out the “House for Sale” movie. I would invite you to watch it a few times and really let it sink in.
In my book on trans-orientation I have developed 2 rules.
1 Be a gentleman.
2 Treat her like a lady.

Being a Gentleman is all about how you relate to yourself. A gentleman has the strength and courage to live as his true authentic self. Are you living as your true authentic self? If not you’re probably pretty miserable and you being miserable will make the people around you miserable. Do you want to torture your wife with your misery?

Treating her like a lady is all about how you relate to other people. As I mentioned above, does your wife deserve to have only part of her husband. Does your “girlfriend” deserve to be just a side piece?

You have a lot of questions to answer. You don’t have to answer me or any of us here, but you do need to answer them for yourself.

If you want to go into this more in private please feel free to message me privately. Or we can continue to discuss it here if you want.


Appreciate all the comments, thanks for taking the time to respond. House for Sale (The Film) was very thought provoking. For my part, if I was ever caught in my affair, I would certainly admit it and come clean. Probably then going full time with my Transexual drag queen girlfriend. I’m thinking of continuing the affair and see where it leads. If after a suitable amount of time it is apparent that we take our relationship to the next level, then I would inform my wife. There are several variables involved; she is currently escorting, and I need to make sure her motives are pure. In the past, I would have described a guy doing what I’m doing as a scumbag. I was looking in the side mirror of the fire truck while on a run this morning, and thought the guy in the reflection doesn’t look like an inconsiderate jerk-off. Inside, I don’t feel guilty, but no one has been hurt so far.

Good luck then, I hope things will turn out well for you and nobody will get hurt :confused:

Sorry, but confused. You say your “transexual drag queen girlfriend”. Transexual and drag queen are very different things. Which is your “girlfriend”?

Sorry for the confusion, she is a transsexual (currently) in transition, who does drag. Although she is very pretty, when she does her shows, she goes over the top with the “glam”. By the way, this is her own definition," transsexual drag queen". She did RuPauls show.

Once again, I was corrected. I’m 5’8" tall 195# and run into burning buildings. She is a transexual woman who does drag. I’m the idiot and it’s ok. Just to clear it up.

Be honest with yourself. Eventually it is going to come out. Control it by taking charge and pursuing an honest path. Find a support group and decide on the best course of action.

1 Like