The guys' perspective?

Hello, and thanks for having a look at my post.

I’m trying to see things from the perspective of the man who dates trans women, and I thought perhaps some of members of this site could enlighten me a bit.

I am a trans woman who dates men. Before I transitioned socially, I actually had a long-term boyfriend.

However, I haven’t dated since I transitioned. In the meantime, I’ve had FFS and am about to have GRS.

I figure that puts me in an awfully small niche. I’ll no longer be attractive to men who want pre-op trans woman. And I’ll be a disappointment to the men who want an over-the-top feminine woman as well as the guys who are looking for a woman who could, say, talk sports and do an oil change. Obviously, just as there’s more to attraction than physical appearance, there’s more to it than conformity or nonconformity with traditional gender presentation.

So, I’m interested in hearing from men who date post-op women.

I’m thinking that there are a number of men who are attracted to trans and non-trans women, and that they are essentially my dating pool. I imagine (but do not know) that there are fewer trans-attracted men looking for post-ops, and even fewer men who aren’t trans-attracted but would overlook my history, despite the surgeries, etc.

I appreciate any insights you’re willing and able to share.

Dear Veronica, you can get the answer to your question from putting up ads on dating sites and being honest about who and what you are as you have been in this inquiry. Try trans related sites as well as regular sites. We are moving into a world where people are more open and looking for “someone” not “something”. If you shift your own personal perspective about yourself to a human being rather than a post op trans it may help. You are a person, not a product. Don’t market yourself like a product. Also this is a space for trans attracted men mainly. It is certainly not a space for trans women to meet guys. I think your needs will be better served on a dating site. Thanks for sharing.

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Hi Joe

Although it is noble to say that people are more open and looking for “someone” not “something”, sadly the reality is very different. When joining Trans related sites one of the early questions asked of trans-women is about post-op or pre-op status. Such sites often use derogatory terms such as Tranny, She-male and even chick with a d…, well you get my meaning … to attract guys to join.

Now it’s all well and good to say well avoid Trans sites and just use non-trans dating sites, however these sites also have their pitfalls. Putting aside the fact that we often fear dating cis-men because of their tenancy to do violence on transwomen, often once it is known that you are trans the administrators delete you for having a fake profile i.e. incorrect gender. For example. Plenty of Fish recently deleted me for this very reason.

So as you can see., being Trans and dating on-line has more negatives than positives.

And btw, the few of us who have managed to ‘sneak’ onto here are probably trying to figure out how you guys are thinking as much as you are trying to figure out how we are thinking - just saying :slight_smile:

Thanks for your patience,

Emily

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Emily:

Thanks, you put it better than I could. :wink:

I literally have no issues with people who want the something, as long as they also want the someone. That sort of arrangement just won’t work for me, though.

For what it’s worth, my non-trans female friends have similar issues with online dating.

But I think you hit the nail on the head there: " the few of us who have managed to ‘sneak’ onto here are probably trying to figure out how you guys are thinking." I don’t see what’s wrong with that. I’m more of the mind that with a little effort, we can all find fulfilling relationships. I do think it’s great that men who date transgender women have resources like this. I’m actually going to read the one member’s book, sooner than later.

Veronica

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